What does this mean?
What is my truth?
What does it mean to live truthfully? To act in a truthful way?
Is it about speaking honestly and simply not lying? Or is it more about realizing what matters most in life? Whether that’s actions and words directed to others, or even more importantly to yourself.
One of my last practices in this yoga revolution I talked about in my last post, was about finding your truth. Tapping into your breath, looking inside and finding out what you’re all about. What is my truth? And I struggled. Really struggled to figure out what my truth is. And the things I thought about, I really had to think about. Am I kind? I am good natured? Am I honest with myself, or do I hide things away? I couldn’t work out what it was.
This made me sad. I know I don’t always act in a way that is true to myself. Mostly because I find it hard to let people down. I hate not being able to make other people happy. I hate the feeling I’ve hurt someone. Usually it’s by trying to say yes to everything. I know I touched upon these ideas and feelings in a previous post. Check it out here.
However, I know there’s something going on inside right now that’s left me a little disjointed. A little unsettled. Not sure what is unsettled yet. But I’m struggling with myself. I feel I’ve lost my way a little.
I know deep inside I’m not speaking my truth. Through this regular practice and returning to my mat, to my breath, to my soul, I have realized some things need changing. Some things need to be reevaluated.
Through this ‘truth’ practice I found a lump in my throat. A tightening of the muscles. Now, anyone who knows me, knows chakras are a new interest of mine. And the throat chakra is probably one of the ones I am focusing on the most. I develop a tightening in my throat when I have conversations. I find it hard to get my words out clearly and concisely. And struggle to be understood in a way that I want people to understand me. I either offend someone unintentionally or just ramble through my words without saying much.
Over the past few weeks I have felt at odds with myself. I don’t know if it’s a natural thing to feel uneasy at this time of the year. It’s dreary, cold, damp. Lack of funds from the festive period always puts a downer on your social life. But those are all material things that can be fixed fairly easily. Wrap up warm, hot baths, comfort food, staying in with friends and watching films. Finding a little hygge in your life. How I’ve been feeling underneath that superficial stuff is what is causing my angst. My muddled thoughts. The tightening of my throat. I feel practising, or doing something regularly ultimately makes you think and feel differently. Whether it’s physical exercise or not. A constant regular ‘doing’ causes a change of events that trigger new ideas, lights a little fire and spark in your soul. Or if it doesn’t then that’s telling in itself.
I recently went to see La La Land. Twice may I just say and was lost in the film. It inspired me to figure out what matters to me. What my dreams are. The things that drive me. Having the courage to speak out even if it doesn’t sit well with others. Is this speaking our truth?
I know I have some more digging to do. I know something has shifted since beginning this regular, daily yoga practise. The language and ideas presented to me in each sequence has encouraged me to readdress key themes if our lives. I can tell this because the way I’m writing and connecting my thoughts together has changed.
Setting goals, or resolutions has never been my thing, but maybe this idea of speaking my ‘truth’ can be my inspiration. My inspired action for the year. To speak and act in a truthful and honest way. It may not be easy but life is too short to hide away who we are.