True to ourselves

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Well hello there old friend! Hasn’t it been a while? Indeed it has. I feel like this little space of mine has lost its way, or maybe it’s going in the direction it’s meant to. A space to reflect when reflection is needed.

I suppose that’s why I’m here now. Reflecting again on things that are important to me and things I want to cultivate further.

The question I’ve been asking myself lately is knowing your being true to yourself without inflicting pain on someone else. Not physical pain but emotionally letting someone else be hurt by your decisions and actions. How do we stop that from arising without putting ourselves to the sideline, and jeopardising our own happiness.

I hate letting people down. I have a huge problem with saying no. And then I result in backtracking and ultimately making a situation worse for all parties involved. It’s an issue I am always working on to rectify. But lately I’ve made the decision to stop worrying so much about how people will think of my saying yes or no to things. But am beginning to concern myself more with how that decision will make me feel. Is this decision or action beneficial to my life and will it cause me pain and hurt? I firmly believe in selfless acts and being there for people when they need it most. Putting others first when they need support and assistance. I have no problem saying yes to those situations even it means missing out on something else, or having to cancel a last minute event. However, I do feel we all have a problem with putting ourselves last and sometimes this can cause bigger problems not just for us, but for others too. A little self love and respect can go a long way.

However, what causes me anxiety is saying yes to things or agreeing to do something when in my heart and, probably more importantly, my gut is saying no. These are situations where I need to build courage and strength in saying no. I find it hard and feel that if I do, somehow that person’s opinion of me lowers. I need to stop thinking like this and feel confident in that what I choose to do will benefit me. Making sure I’m saying ‘Yes’ to things that will further my career, relationships and general life ‘well’ness’, and saying ‘No’ when it is the right time to. Whether it is making sure your to do list is not overloaded at work or at home. Or if it’s something you know you won’t like and there’s no reason to do it. And finally knowing when you cannot actually do something. When you say yes so you don’t feel left out, or because you’ve got carried away with an idea and haven’t thought the whole thing through (i.e. financial aspects, time frames or double booking). The latter is my most common failing. Okay, not failing but definitely something that needs constant monitoring. This is where for me yoga and mindfulness is helpful. Practising yoga and meditation allows me the space and time to reflect.

So my mantra at the present moment is knowing it’s okay to say, No! That people won’t think badly of me. Won’t judge me. And if they do then they aren’t true friends, or people who respect me. And finally that their reactions are their concern, not mine. I can’t control that, and if people do think differently then it’s them and not me. Unless, of course I act like a dick, which people then have a reason to think badly of me.

In the end we are all in control of our own lives and ultimately it’s up to us in how we want to live them.