Loving kindness

Been forming and drafting this post for while. Thought I would just get it out as it is.Β 

Recently I have been thinking about the way I treat others, or more correctly how I respond to peoples troubles, happiness, and also how I control my reactions when things areas positive. I can only control myself and what I put out into the world towards others.

I am guilty of spending far too much time worrying about how people perceive me. I have this constant anxiety of not being liked. It’s a problem, because ultimately I try to please everyone, and end up pleasing no one and feeling horrible about the messy affair. When in fact, I should take stock of what’s important and worth putting my time and energy into. I’ve made decisions based on what I think everybody thinks I should do. In turn I’ve never really been happy doing that. Sometimes, yes, thinking about how others will be affected, and taking their considerations into account does play a huge part in our life choices. That’s not the issue. The issue for me is I try to spread myself across a wide plain, and really I’m not giving myself a hundred percent to people when they really need it. I try to do it all.

This isn’t helpful in the long run. You cannot please everyone all of the time, only those who matter most to you. It’s exhausting trying to make everyone happy and can cause me to ‘stress out’. I am currently reading Β about the Buddhist moral and ethical code and it’s fascinating how the way we treat and interact with others can had an immediate impact on our wellbeing and happiness. For me, trying to please others is a way to ensure the people I care about are happy. Regardless if I’m not overly happy in doing that. However, this isn’t healthy. In order to help and bring joy to others you need to find happiness and joy in your own life. Otherwise what good are you to others if you’re not happy yourself. One of my main mantras is loving kindness and trying to act in a positive way, rather than focusing on the negative. If you put out negative things, then that’s what you may end up receiving. However, a positive mindset means you can find the good and joy in day to day situations.

I’m still working on this and it’s constantly something I worry about. I know I’m on the right track when I think about other people and how they might feel; I just need to make sure the decisions I then make are suitable for me and not just because I think people will view me in a particular way. I can’t control that. How people respond to my decisions is based on their own ideas and feelings. Oh it’s a tricky one. And I think with this post I have kind of rambled.